The first week after "the change"

Greetings and thank you to all of you who have prayed so fervantly for me. I meant to post something earlier this week, but simply did not have the time to. As it turns out my first week as a deacon has been a pretty busy one.

After preaching my first homily on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning, I saw my family off as they returned to Illinois. Upon arriving in Anderson, I was greeted by Fr. Bob who promptly informed me that I had a funeral on Wednesday. Fr. Bob, you see, was leaving for the annual priest convocation on Monday and so as it turns out, I was the "pastor" of the Anderson parishes for the week!

I had already been informed that I would preside at the 6th grade graduation at St. Ambrose that Monday, so I had to prepare a homily for that. I had two communion services scheduled and now this funeral (obviously, for each, I would need a homily). I also found myself making all of the hospital visits. Needless to say, I quickly found out why being the pastor keeps one quite busy.

Some folks have asked me what it feels like to be a deacon and all that I can tell them is, "normal." I've been preparing for this for years and so aside from my change in responsibilities/capabilities I really don't feel a whole lot different. But I think that is really good because I think that means that "putting on" the clerical state, well, just fits.

This weekend we have celebrated the ordination of four men from our diocese. I've been with these men for five years and it is such a joy to see them ordained to the priesthood. As I was kneeling by the altar during the Eucharistic Prayer at the Ordination Mass, I was moved as I heard these four men reciting the words of institution for the first time. They are living signs that God wants the Eucharist and all the other sacraments to continue for some time to come. What a great day for the Church and for us all.

After completing the circuit of First Masses of Thanksgiving for the four newly ordained priests, I will be joining a group of young people from St. Mary's in Anderson for a Catholic Heart Work Camp in Toledo, OH. Please pray for our safety and that this experience will lead us to a deeper and more profound experience of God. I'll post again after my return!

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us! Verso l'alto!

Time to catch up...

Hey friends, it's time to catch up on all the stuff that's been going on with me in the last month!

Mission Mini Marathon: Accomplished!

With the grace of perseverence in my training, I was able to participate in and complete my first half-marathon on May 7th. I began the weekend in a somber way, with the funeral of my friend Edgar. Then I was honored to server at the Mass for Vocations at St. John's in downtown Indy. I carb-loaded at the Race for Vocations pasta dinner, stressed about where we would park Saturday morning, and went to bed way too late.

Nonetheless, I felt great Saturday morning and even though my plans for parking didn't work out and it took forever (it seemed) to get to a Port-a-John before the race started, I made it to my starting corral and was even able to start the race with a few fellow Race-for-Vocations runners. I ran a conservative race and finished in 2:11, about a 10 min/mile pace. As you can see by the post-race picture, I had something left in the tank. Next year (and I mean that!), I plan on running in well under two hours.

Mission: Semester Completion - Accomplished!

It was "no rest for the weary" as I was immediately back to the seminary after the Mini to finish up the final week of the semester. I had papers to write and finals to take, and then I had to move completely out of my room, all in seven days. My Trinity final provided the most daunting challenge as I endured a monumental spiritual battle the entire day. Satan felt it necessary to taunt me all day long, saying "You can't do this." when I knew I could. It took just about all that I had to get through it, but with God's grace I completed it and the rest of my work in time to get moved out.

Saying goodbye is difficult and I find that with the whirlwind of activity at the end of each semester that I never do it well. I just hope that all of the guys know that I will miss them and that I pray for them regularly.

Mission: Chillax - Accomplished!

After getting moved out of the seminary, I spent a few days in Carmel visiting friends and then made my way up to J-town to hang with my family for a week. I did get some definite relaxing in, but also spent a lot of time running around and taking care of maintainance things for my car.

Two of my friends from high school, Joe and Jake, and spent the better part of a day at the National Restaraunt Association trade show at the McCormick place in Chicago. Imagine walking around a convention center, and doing nothing but sampling different gormet foods all day and you get an idea of what it was like, and why it was worth the price of admission.

The best part, however, was spending time with my parents, sisters, and niece and nephew. The kiddos have grown not only to remember me, but to miss me when I'm gone and so it is always a special treat for them and for me when I can visit.

Mission: Ordination - Counting down...

After returning from J-town, I moved into my summer parish in Anderson, IN. I will be helping Fr. Bob at both St. Mary's and St. Ambrose parishes this summer. I spent a couple of days getting settled in, then promptly jetted off to Cincinnati to witness the final oath of my classmates, Aaron and Crispine, in the Glenmary Home Missioners. It was a beautiful ceremony and as a bonus, I got to see some of the folks from the seminary and give them a proper goodbye.

Now, the countdown is in full swing. I have five days until ordination day and I plan on taking a lot of time to pray and to reflect on this journey so that I am prepared to participate fully and consciously in the ordination. Thank you to all who have prayed so generously for me throughout these past five years. Please continue to pray for me and my brothers who will be ordained with me, Travis Stephens and Sam Futrals, as we make our final preparations to be ordained this coming Saturday (June 4th).

Look for a post soon after!

I have competed well...

... and in a little more than two days, I will "finish the race" (II Timothy 4:7) when I participate in the 2011 Race for Vocations. For those of you who have been praying with me, now is the time to re-double our prayers!

As I review the details for the big day, anxiety begins to stir in my stomach. There will be over 35,000 runners/walkers on the streets of downtown Indianapolis this Saturday. That is going to be an overwhelming feeling! I will be proud to be one of the "elect" who will be wearing the "Vocation: everybody's got one. What's yours?" shirt and proving that with faith we can overcome our worldly obstacles and achieve the greatness that God has destined us for.

Tomorrow, Thursday, May 5, I will celebrate the one-year anniversary of being declared to be in full-remission from cancer. I can't think of a better way to celebrate God's gift of life to me than by offering the culmination of the last four months of training to Him and by finishing this race for His glory and for grace for all of those who are discerning His will for their lives.

Thank you for all of your prayerful support so far. Let us finish strong! Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us! Blessed Pope John Paul II, pray for us! Verso l'alto!

In Memoriam

Edgar and I in November 2009

This morning, a good friend of mine, Edgar Hartzler, died. I don't have the details yet of what caused his death. All I know is that at breakfast this morning at Saint Augustine's home in Indianapolis he fell very ill and was taken immediately to Saint Vincent's hospital where he died around 10:30 a.m. EDT. He was 78 years old.

I had known Ed since 2004 when I first started visiting him as part of the Community Caring organization. I volunteered with them and Marcia Brown (then its director) paired me up with Ed. It was the first time I had ever volunteered to have one-on-one interaction with someone in need and it was Ed's first time to have a "little brother" of sorts. It was equally awkward for each of us and so it worked out pretty well.

We both got past that initial awkwardness and became fast friends. Over the years, Edgar and I would share many wonderful memories: visits to the zoo, museums, baseball games, and nights out for dinner. We had some stressful and difficult times, and our relationship had been particularly strained since I had entered the seminary since my studies and duties in the diocese left me with little time to spend with him. Nevertheless, he remained a true friend to the end.

One of my greatest joys was to see him come into full communion with the Catholic Church in 2009. It had been a long journey of faith for him and I believe he counted it as one of the most important events of his life. I was honored to serve the Easter Vigil mass that welcomed him into the Church.

I last saw Ed a week and a half ago, on Wednesday of Holy Week. We talked about my trip to Rome last January and about the plans for him to be at my ordination to the diaconate in June. He wanted nothing more than to be there for my ordination. I suppose now, he won't have to worry so much about those plans.

While the news came as a shock today - it was certainly unexpected - I guess in a way I had been preparing for this to happen for some time. I knew his health had been deteriorating significantly over the past few years and that in reality something could happen at any time. Today was that day. I pray that God has looked upon him with mercy and received him lovingly into heaven.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him...

P.S. His funeral will be this Friday, May 6th at 11:00 a.m. EDT at Saint Augustine's Home for the Aged on 86th Street in Indianapolis.

Good Friday Reflection

Here is a reflection that I gave at my parish in Carmel today. It is on one of the traditional "seven last words of Christ." May it help you rejoice more fully in the Resurrection come Sunday morning.


Luke 23:39-43: “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

Although the image presented in this passage of Luke’s Gospel might be somewhat unsettling to us—Christ our King crucified between two heinous criminals—it seems that he is right where he is supposed to be: the Redeemer in the middle of two men desperately in need of redemption.

On one side, a man dying in his sin is nonetheless blind to his redeemer hanging next to him on a cross. His hope is in this world and he is so completely blinded by his pride that he cannot acknowledge that it is his own sinfulness that has brought him to this condition. He cannot recognize that the one who was hanging next to him and was suffering with him came not to take away all his suffering, but rather to save him from his sinful condition. Today, this man represents all of those who are quick to say, “Where was God” when they experience suffering in this world. “Where was God when my mother was dying from cancer?” “Where was God when my son was shot and killed?” “Where was God when my sister was being raped?” “If he is such a powerful God, then why didn’t he save them and me from our suffering?” “Are you not the Messiah?” the unrepentant thief says, “save yourself and us” (Lk 23:39). This one could not see that his Redeemer would be more than a divine dose of pain killers. He could not see that he, like his Redeemer, would be made perfect in suffering (Heb. 2:10). And so he misses his chance to live.

On the other side, we see the opposite. A man, also dying in his sin, sees in the man hanging next to him his Redeemer. He can do this because he first recognizes his own emptiness, his own need of redemption. In his sinfulness he is now nailed to the cross with no hope of being removed until after he has breathed his last breath and he can acknowledge—he chooses to acknowledge—that he is left now with nothing. He recognizes his nothingness. As soon as he can recognize his nothingness, he can turn to Jesus and see clearly the fullness of him sent to suffer with him and for him. He has no need to ask, “Where is God?” He knows where he is. He is on the cross next to him, suffering with him. Renouncing all of his pride, he can then turn to Jesus with the eyes of faith and say not “save me,” but rather “remember me.” He resigned himself to his own death in his sinfulness and asked only that he be remembered by the one who—mysteriously to him—would somehow come to reign in spite of this seemingly desperate condition.

Jesus gives no words to the man who remains blind to his sin. To the man who recognizes and acknowledges his own nothingness, however, Jesus gives those words of hope: “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise” (Lk 23:43).

Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said that the blind man who does not know he is blind cannot hope to see, but there is hope for him when he recognizes his need to see. The only thing worse than sin, he continues, is denying that we are sinners. There is hope, however, for the one who can acknowledge his or her sinfulness: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of God is theirs” (Mt 5:3). Perhaps today we can recognize our own poverty of spirit, our own sinfulness that has crucified us, so that we might recognize Christ our Redeemer, crucified with us and for us, and say: “Remember me, Lord….” Then, in the silence of our nothingness we can hope to hear our Savior say, “Amen, I say to you….”

Given at Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Church – Carmel, Indiana
Good Friday, April 22, 2011

Mission: Retreat... Accomplished!

Greetings all in this holiest of weeks. Thank you for all of your prayers in the last week as I made my retreat. It was a blessed time of rest and restoration for me. I can't say that I had any great insights during the retreat, but rather I grew in confidence and conviction that this path that I have been on moving towards ordination is the path that God has laid out for me. The witness of the sisters was as much a source of meditation as was the Scriptures or the Rite of Ordination that I spent time with in their adoration chapel. To see so many women, young and old, who have given their lives completely to God reassured my faith that this step that I am about to take into consecrated ministry for the Church - while still a step into darkness, that is, into a mystery - is nonetheless one I can make boldly, trusting that God's love beckons me forth. The sisters are a witness to that love. Just as they stepped forth in love to return that love to God, so I know that I can step forth in the love I have for God. For all of this I can only give thanks, because I know that it is God who loved me first and it is the grace of the Holy Spirit that makes it possible for me to respond in love.

Tonight, we will celebrate the Chrism mass in Lafayette. It is the mass where the Bishop consecrates the sacred oils that will be used for the sacraments throughout the diocese in the next year (the chrism, the oil of catechumens, and the oil of the sick). It is a great event celebrating the unity of the diocese as representatives from each parish participate and receive the oils from the Bishop to take back to their parishes. It is also the mass where the priests of the diocese come together to renew their commitment to the priesthood. For me this will be another great witness as I prepare to enter into the Church's consecrated ministry. To see these men, young and old, renewing their commitment to the priestly ministry of Jesus Christ will be another sign of confidence that my love for God is real, and that my desire to step forth into this ministry is an authentic response to that love. If you've never had a chance to participate in an occasion such as this, I highly recommend doing so. It will strengthen your faith in God and in his church.

Thanks again for your prayers. As we approach the celebration of the greatest feast of the year (of all time, really), let us give ourselves more fervently to prayer so that on Easter day we will truly rejoice!

Retreat time... Finally!

It has been a tough semester for me so far and now, within 24 hours, I will be on retreat. Needless to say, I am greatly looking forward to it. With only a few weeks left to the semester after I return, I know that the time is now to seriously reflect and make myself consciously ready for ordination by focusing in on all the incredible things that God has done for me to get me to this point. God has called me to a vocation of love and I can only embrace that vocation as much as I am willing to let myself be completely open to the love he longs to give me. (This is true for all of us, by the way...) So, off I go to spend a week with the holy sisters up in Mishawaka. If you think of it, please say a prayer for me during this next week. I will pray for you!