Time to catch up...

Hey friends, it's time to catch up on all the stuff that's been going on with me in the last month!

Mission Mini Marathon: Accomplished!

With the grace of perseverence in my training, I was able to participate in and complete my first half-marathon on May 7th. I began the weekend in a somber way, with the funeral of my friend Edgar. Then I was honored to server at the Mass for Vocations at St. John's in downtown Indy. I carb-loaded at the Race for Vocations pasta dinner, stressed about where we would park Saturday morning, and went to bed way too late.

Nonetheless, I felt great Saturday morning and even though my plans for parking didn't work out and it took forever (it seemed) to get to a Port-a-John before the race started, I made it to my starting corral and was even able to start the race with a few fellow Race-for-Vocations runners. I ran a conservative race and finished in 2:11, about a 10 min/mile pace. As you can see by the post-race picture, I had something left in the tank. Next year (and I mean that!), I plan on running in well under two hours.

Mission: Semester Completion - Accomplished!

It was "no rest for the weary" as I was immediately back to the seminary after the Mini to finish up the final week of the semester. I had papers to write and finals to take, and then I had to move completely out of my room, all in seven days. My Trinity final provided the most daunting challenge as I endured a monumental spiritual battle the entire day. Satan felt it necessary to taunt me all day long, saying "You can't do this." when I knew I could. It took just about all that I had to get through it, but with God's grace I completed it and the rest of my work in time to get moved out.

Saying goodbye is difficult and I find that with the whirlwind of activity at the end of each semester that I never do it well. I just hope that all of the guys know that I will miss them and that I pray for them regularly.

Mission: Chillax - Accomplished!

After getting moved out of the seminary, I spent a few days in Carmel visiting friends and then made my way up to J-town to hang with my family for a week. I did get some definite relaxing in, but also spent a lot of time running around and taking care of maintainance things for my car.

Two of my friends from high school, Joe and Jake, and spent the better part of a day at the National Restaraunt Association trade show at the McCormick place in Chicago. Imagine walking around a convention center, and doing nothing but sampling different gormet foods all day and you get an idea of what it was like, and why it was worth the price of admission.

The best part, however, was spending time with my parents, sisters, and niece and nephew. The kiddos have grown not only to remember me, but to miss me when I'm gone and so it is always a special treat for them and for me when I can visit.

Mission: Ordination - Counting down...

After returning from J-town, I moved into my summer parish in Anderson, IN. I will be helping Fr. Bob at both St. Mary's and St. Ambrose parishes this summer. I spent a couple of days getting settled in, then promptly jetted off to Cincinnati to witness the final oath of my classmates, Aaron and Crispine, in the Glenmary Home Missioners. It was a beautiful ceremony and as a bonus, I got to see some of the folks from the seminary and give them a proper goodbye.

Now, the countdown is in full swing. I have five days until ordination day and I plan on taking a lot of time to pray and to reflect on this journey so that I am prepared to participate fully and consciously in the ordination. Thank you to all who have prayed so generously for me throughout these past five years. Please continue to pray for me and my brothers who will be ordained with me, Travis Stephens and Sam Futrals, as we make our final preparations to be ordained this coming Saturday (June 4th).

Look for a post soon after!

God rocks my socks off...

One experience from the Destination: Jesus retreat has stayed very close to my heart in the past week (and by "very close" I mean "sitting on it like ten-ton elephant"). When Fr. Brian gave us seminarians the chance to introduce ourselves, I decided to take the opportunity to point out that it was at this same time last year that I had just received my final chemotherapy treatment for cancer and that now, in part because of the prayers from those who attended DJ last year, I was standing before them nine-months cancer free. The response to this was another standing ovation and, with tears in my eyes, I thanked them all and assured them that God indeed does hear and answer prayers.

After the closing mass with Bishop Doherty, I was standing outside of the worship space (i.e. the gym) just hanging out and greeting folks as they were leaving. A triad of young ladies came by me and one of them asked if I was "the seminarian who has cancer." I said yes and she proceeded to tell me that she had prayed for me during mass. Humbled, I thanked her deeply. Then she leaned in and in a quivering voice said, "My mother passed away from cancer this past Monday." Somewhat shocked, my first reaction was to express my sympathy and, given that she had just prayed for me, to offer prayers for her and her mother. With tears in her eyes she thanked me. What followed was a few awkward moments as I thought she was going to walk away, but then her and her friends stood near me for a while. I tried to figure out if I should say something else, but I was literally frozen and couldn't think of anything that wouldn't seem trite. Soon, though, they did walk away and it wasn't long after that I had the thought that would haunt me for the next week: Not two hours previous I was proclaiming that my healing is proof that God hears and answers our prayers. Without doubt, this young girl had prayed, and prayed hard that her mother would be healed, yet she wasn't. Did I let her walk away thinking that God hears everyone's prayers but hers? I had the opportunity to say something more to her and I didn't. Did that just make it worse? And if that isn't enough, I had asked her what her mother's name was so that I could pray for her by name, but I hadn't gotten her name, nor did I know what parish she was from. "Excellent pastoral ministry, Petan..." I cynically thought to myself.

As a result, all week I've been praying for her hoping I could find some way to get in touch with her so I can at least acknowledge that I know how hard she must have prayed for her mother and that I, too, am baffled by the mystery of why God chose me to live and her mother to die, but that I am nonetheless confident that God heard every one of her prayers. I was brought to tears at what I felt was the real possibility that she would begin to doubt if God really cared for her and her mother and that my fear of engaging her in the moments of awkwardness might have let her come to that conclusion. This really came to a head today as I approached to receive Holy Communion. As I did, I begged for God to be merciful on me for being so weak-willed.

I picked up my mail after lunch (as I usually do) and in my mailbox was a letter whose return address was in a city in Michigan that I did not recognize. As I walked back to my room I racked my brain trying to figure out who it could be from. I finally made it to my room and opened the letter and that was when God rocked my socks off. It was a letter from this young girl! Not only was she not upset about what I had said or baffled by the mystery of God's providence to the point of real doubt, but she expressed how happy she was to hear that I was in remission from cancer. But wait, there's more... She also expressed how she has come to see cancer as a gift from God (and this girl just lost her mother!) and that she feels called to consecrated religious life! Finally (could there be more?), she said that one of her friends had described to her that I "looked like Jesus" as I expressed my care and concern for her... Good Night! I am glad I made it back to my room before reading it because as soon I did, I dropped down into my chair and wept. All of the pent-up feelings of anxiety, sadness, helplessness, and fear all came pouring out as I thanked Jesus for his merciful answer to my prayer.

In the Archabbey Gift Shop here on the Hill, they have a lot of real "kitch-y" stuff. There is one thing, though, that I saw with a saying that I thought was nice and which stuck in my brain. It was a small placard (probably a refrigerator magnet) and it reads: "God answers prayers in three ways: 'Ok,' 'Not yet,' or 'I've got a better idea.'" Watch out for #3, you might get your socks rocked off :)

P.S. I'm not the only one... check out this incredible story (she must have seen the same magnet!).

Destination: Jesus

This past weekend, I was able to participate in my diocese's annual youth retreat weekend, entitiled Destination: Jesus. It is a Eucharistic retreat built off of the model of the Youth 2000 retreats. This is year is the sixteenth year that our diocese has sponsored this event and it has grown every year. Nearly 950 youth attended this year's event and I came away exhausted (and all I did was support all of the people that were making everything happen) because the experience of being around so many young people who are being lit on fire for Christ, who are finding healing in the Sacrament of Confession, and who are allowing Christ to touch their heart, possibly for the first time in their lives, inspired me to pour myself out for them in anyway that I could think of.

Listening to some of these youth tell me about the great experience that they had, about some incredibly difficult situations that they are dealing with, and then worshiping our Eucharistic Lord with them made me want to be a priest more than ever. Part of the last day of the retreat is reserved to ask the youth to consider vocations to the priesthood and religious life. They've seen the seminarians and nuns running around all weekend, but on Sunday we get officially introduced. Our Director of Vocations, Fr. Brian Doerr, introduced us and bragged that our seminary rectors all agree that we are some of the best men studying for the priesthood that they've seen. I was feeling a little embarrassed by this, but then the entire crowd of 950+ people erupted into a standing ovation for us and I was brought to tears. I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love. I am invigorated to continue to give myself to completing formation and to being ordained a priest. I am also hopeful that our witness this weekend will inspire a few young men and women to consider whether or not God might be calling them to a religious vocation.

Fr. Brian has an e-form that anyone can fill out if they are considering a vocation to the priesthood or religious life up on our website. It can be found at http://www.priestforever.org/DJ. Click and submit the form if you are interested in getting information about discerning a religious vocation. Or, if you know someone who participated in the weekend, please send them the link in case they forgot it after the weekend.

Most of all, let us continue to pray for vocations, both that we may have the courage to fully live out our own and for others to courageously accept their own, and for the youth whose lives have been changed forever by their encounter with Christ this weekend, that in all things God may be glorified!

You Found Me!

For those of you who were following my former blog - searchingforblindness.blogspot.com - welcome! For those of you who are navigating to my blog for the first time, welcome! My former blog was a good way to introduce me to the world of blogging, but I figured having a blog under my name was an easier way for people to find me, so I've re-launched this new blog, with a new look and (hopefully) more frequent and regular content.

Stay tuned as I work to catch you all up on what has been happening since last spring and what is going on as the new year in the seminary is well under way!

Thanks for following me and, as always, thanks for your prayers and support!

Peace.

UPDATE 9.21.2010

I figured out how to import my former blog onto this one. No need to look back to the other blog for stuff I posted before, it's all here!