Making myself blind

I know that in my first reflection, I commented that I knew that God had something planned for me here and that I only needed a little bit of blindness to see it. Today, I think that I acquired some of that blindness. Being the only the second weekend that I've spent here in Antigua since I arrived in late May, I didn't know exactly what to do with myself. Rest was certainly first on the list, and rest I have. I also wanted to experience another parish besides La Merced, which has been my first choice for daily mass, mostly because of its proximity to my house and school. On the indirect recommendation of my teacher, I decided to attend mass in the chapel of the hospital San Hermano Pedro. This is a hospital founded by Franciscans (Saint Hermano Pedro was a Franciscan and is, literally, the local saint to Guatemala and, specifically, Antigua) and seems to focus on serving the handicapped and elderly.

I arrived early (about 9:00 for 10:00 mass) in order to pray a holy hour before mass. Just after 9:30, the staff started bringing in the patients for mass. Almost immediately, I was overwhelmed emotionally. I still don't understand it fully, but as best as I can figure out, there was suddenly an intense amplification of the presence of God through these persons. It wasn't pity that overwhelmed me, but love. Somewhat embarrassingly, I don't think that it was my love for them, but rather their love for me that I felt overwhelming me. I think for the first time, I truly saw the unique personalities of mentally/physically handicapped persons. In spite of their incapacity to express themselves as we do, I was amazed by the demonstration of their intelligence and what abilities they actually had, in spite of their limited physical capacities. For example, one small boy, probably no older than 12 years old, who obviously had a physical handicap that prevented him from using his arms and legs, had a powered wheelchair that was controlled by movements of a pad behind his head. I watched in amazement as he maneuvered his chair, using only his head, into a tight corner of the chapel, next to another young girl in a wheelchair, without hitting a thing! Even though he seemed to move without control, he showed me (again to my embarrassment for my initial thoughts) that he had much more control of his movements that I gave him credit for. Then, to completely obliterate my ego, I watched as the young girl next to him recognized him and reached out her arm to him. He responded by grabbing her hand as if to greet her with a hug and a kiss. Needless to say, the tears were falling. In spite of not understanding anything additional in the mass than I did yesterday, I felt that today, in the profound presence of Christ in these beautiful persons, I truly prayed the mass for the first time since I've been here. By the end of mass, I had become convinced that I needed to spend more time there, experiencing Christ in the sick and suffering.

Now, the anniversary of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati's death is July 4th. And so I've been praying a novena for his intercession so that I can see what God has planned for me here. After mass, I prayed the novena for the day. Today, the meditation was on the Beatitude, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." The novena also includes a daily comment from the preserved writings of Bl. Pier Giorgio. Today, it included this from him: "What wealth it is to be in good health, as we are! But we have the duty of putting our health at the service of those who do not have it. To act otherwise would be to betray that gift of God." With that I was convinced that I needed to begin volunteering at the hospital as soon as possible. I stopped and received information from the front desk and will return on Monday to sign up. I know that I won't be able to do much - I only have one month left before leaving Guatemala - but I will offer what I can and trust that God will graciously receive my offering.

As for why I titled this entry "making myself blind..." As I walked to the chapel this morning, I came to realize that Saint Francis parish was going to have their "Corpus" Eucharistic procession this morning. I was tempted to abandon my plans in order to participate in the procession. I decided, however, to stick with my plans, blindly following what the Holy Spirit had (quite discretely) led me to and I was rewarded with this incredible gift. I look forward with great anticipation to offer what I can to help these poor and suffering children of God and, at the same time, to be healed myself of some of the spiritual suffering that I have been enduring. Thank you for your continued prayers. Be assured of mine for you. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us!

For more information about the work of the hospital Hermano Pedro, click here.